We asked, you told us. We asked AGAIN, you told us even more. In the most recent Bride survey, more than 400 of you 'fessed up about what you got up to on your wedding night - and even we weren't prepared for some of the answers we got...
Since the dawn of romance, consummating the marriage was a tradition both adhered to and looked forward to (most people were virgins back then, after all). Now, romance novels and rom-coms do a stellar job of setting up expectations of being carried over the threshold by your Prince Charming new husband, followed by hours of making sweet, sweet love on a cloud-like bed. We’re tempted to call bullshit, but we’d never contest a love story without the facts.
These days most of us have been living with 'the one' long before we get married, and are experts at doing the bad thing on the good foot. Heck, it’s a major part of making sure the two of you are actually compatible. So is sex on the wedding night really that much of a big deal? We ask married couples what they expected, and what really happened.
“Wife stands suggestively in doorway, dressed in new, fancy, wedding night specific lingerie. Husband exclaims he just wants to rest and have some chips and a beer on the balcony. Wife goes to bed alone, exhausted from the huge day. Sleep interrupted hours later when it’s now convenient for the husband to get some. Wife denies his advances saying she's already asleep and he missed his chance. Hello, marriage!” – Annie, 25
“We got to our hotel room and I immediately started to remove a kilo of bobby pins from my hair. My gorgeous new husband came to give me a hand. My scalp ached from all the pins and extensions, my eyes hurt from all the make-up, my thighs were red raw from the chafing (my dress was skin tight) and my feet ached from wearing heels (I'm more of a sneakers kinda girl). After we had both showered (separately), we were lying on the bed in our bathrobes, holding each other and talking about how wonderful and perfect our wedding was, and how much we loved each other. Then, unwaxed, unsexy, sore and red raw, my husband and I made love and fell asleep in each other's arms. And it was perfect.” – Anonymous, 36
“My new husband had booked a cute cottage in the forest as a surprise. We arrived late at night in the pouring rain and pretty much went straight to bed. When we woke up, I explored the rest of the cottage to discover that the room next door was an awesome master bedroom with a four-poster bed, beautiful linen, chocolates on the pillows and a stunning view. We'd spent our wedding night in a shitty double bed in the tiny guest bedroom! *facepalm*” Sarah, 29
“Got to the hotel, ordered room service, had sex, fell asleep, woke up to hubby watching a Premier League game at 3am, played a few hands of Skip-bo, went back to sleep, woke up at 7am ready to go open gifts!” Anon, 32
Who invited you guys?
“After dancing and partying with our close friends and family until early hours of the morning, I had the high expectation of spending our first night as husband and wife together, romantically and alone in our ridiculously luxurious and expensive accommodation. I envisioned sipping champagne, spa baths, lingerie, the whole kit and caboodle... Well, we should have booked the accommodation without letting our guests know where it would be. Turned out the majority of guests had booked there as well and we ended up having an after-party in our room when everyone rocked up on our doorstep, uninvited. Definitely not romantic and we definitely weren't alone!” – Alex, 25
“I expected to put my beautiful white lingerie on and have a sexy end to an incredible day. We wound up having a big party back at the villa we were married in, which ended with me skinny dipping in the pool with my besties. We didn't want the night to end. I remember waking up the next morning still in my bathrobe with a towel on my head. Not the sexy night I had planned with my man, but still a night to remember! I had to save the lingerie for another night.” – Claire, 30
“I had dreamt of a fairytale evening that included champagne, chocolate and strawberries (with a large four-poster bed). In reality, my husband of half a day ditched me to continue drinking the night away with his boys!" – Hannah, 25
“My husband invited his brother back to our honeymoon suite, got blind rotten drunk, spewed all over the bed and then passed out. My drunk brother-in-law left at 4am.”
We wound up having a big party back at the villa, which ended with me skinny dipping in the pool with my besties.
The hunger games
“I imagined our suite would be decked out with rose petals, champagne and chocolates. We had a spa ensuite and thought it would be a romantic, intimate night. But, we were both exhausted and starving. The only food we had other than the chocolates were some cold chicken nuggets left over from when we were getting ready and the flower girl had left them uneaten. So we ran a spa and ate the cold nuggets in the spa while chatting about the day. My sister, who had the room above us, then came round to have a chat and look through our gifts that were delivered to our room because she was bored and lonely. We didn't mind as we were tired and it was nice to chill out." – Michelle, 34
“I was pretty exhausted by the time our wedding came around and was really scared I'd accidentally get way too drunk and pass out like a trash bag, still in my dress, the second I got back to our room! After the big day we were starving, as we were too busy having fun to eat (or drink too much) at our wedding, so we ordered a lovely room service of hot chips, tomato sauce and champers and just chilled out before letting nature take its course...” – Catherine, 35
“We watched SpongeBob SquarePants and ate French fries.” Moneka, 24
“Got drunk with family and friends in the hot tub. Stole leftover food for a 3am feast. Had awkward first time sex with my nanna in the next room.” L, 23
“I'd been warned it was never as you expect so I had no expectations, that way whatever happened would have been great. I did buy fancy panties to change into though. After the reception, we caught a cab home not realising we didn't have our wallets. Thankfully our attire gave away the fact we'd just got married so the guy gave us our ride for free. We then spent 45 minutes taking all the bobby pins out of my hair, I changed my name on Facebook and then we crashed out asleep in bed. He never even noticed the panties!” – Amara, 32
“My husband was so drunk I had to drag him on to the bed and take his shoes and clothes off before he passed out. I spent the next hour or so taking my hair out, removing make-up and crying while checking Facebook... Sounds quite depressing but I think it goes to show you never can predict what happens on your wedding night!”
Make it rain
“We counted the money from our wishing well in our underpants (we were travelling to Europe the next day and needed to bank it all) then had sex doggy style on the hotel balcony in the moonlight... in full view of whoever was up at the time!” – Melissa, 29
“After a fight broke out between wedding guests, I became emotional and had a few vodka shots at the bar, followed by a joint outside with one of the guests. I then started to feel extremely sick, so one of the bridesmaids took me back to the room, helped me out of my dress and put me in the shower where I proceeded to spew for awhile. I don't remember anything after this. The next morning, after waking next to my husband and us having sex, I remark that it was 'our first time as husband and wife'. He then proceeds to tell me I came on to him and we had sex the night before after he finally made it back to our room. Awkward way to start the marriage!” – Jana, 26
“As expected, the day was long but went quickly, and by the end I had drunk so much celebratory wine that I slid down a fireman’s pole and did snow angels in my beautiful dress. By the time we got to our marital bed, we were just glad that hubby could figure out how to undo my dress before we passed out! But never fear, we made good use of that bed the next morning.” – Cindy, 25
“The hubby and I opted not to have our wedding cars return to collect us after the reception. Instead, we pre-booked a taxi, but unfortunately some of our guests took our ride. After waiting for close to an hour, we decided to start walking, so a couple of our guests, my maid of honour, the groom and I (still in my wedding dress) began walking down a dirt road. Numerous honks and two hours later, a taxi stopped and picked us up and took us to the hotel. We decided to have a smoke before cleaning up, but as we walked outside we shut our room door behind us... and then realised the key was inside. My husband at this stage had nothing but leopard print undies on and spent the next 30 minutes running around trying to find someone to open the door. We went straight to sleep after all that.” – Courtney, 26
“Used the spa bath and added shampoo for bubbles. The rest of the night was spent directing the gigantic mass of bubbles away from the bed and the rest of the furniture.”
"My in-laws decided it would be hilarious to steal a spare key card to our hotel suite from my maid of honour and come in and play a prank on us. Them walking in definitely put a dampener on any celebrating between my husband and I! It also made breakfast the next morning terribly awkward. To this day, my brother-in-law still makes joke about how I swore at him when he was having ‘harmless’ fun.”
Feel the love...
“It was amazing. We romanced, undressed each other, showered in a ridiculously huge shower. Continued into the bedroom where we at last opened our expensive bottle of Moët, explored each other's bodies, made love and thanked God that we had found each other. Marriage is awesome - we drifted off to sleep holding hands and couldn't wipe the smile off our faces. A beautiful beginning to our married life.” – Tash, 27
...or maybe not
“I expected romantic, slow, beautiful love making. Instead, we bitched about the guests, and what did/didn’t go to plan. Opened all the cards and realised some family had given us $15. Had sex. Took five minutes. I was a starfish.” – Sarah, 25
“I expected lots of passion back in the room with my new wife, but I was extremely drunk and fell asleep.” – Ronny, 37
“I passed out on the way back to the hotel, woke up when we got there and my new hubby had got the driver to go through drive-thru at Maccas. I downed my Big Mac and passed out again!” – Anonymous
“Finding a washing machine and dryer in our hotel room, immediately thinking of the power we could save, going back to our flat and getting all the laundry including the bed sheets and doing washing and drying most of the night.” Red, 35
My husband at this stage had nothing but leopard print undies on and spent the next 30 minutes running around trying to find someone to open the door.
To have a wedding night, you need a wedding day...
Make yours an extraordinary one by coming to the Melbourne Bride Wedding Expo on June 20-21, where you can meet a handpicked selection of sought-after suppliers who have the skills and attitude to bring your big day to life. Snap up your tickets here.
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